So for all four people that are going to get notified of this, I'm gonna throw something up. For the record, my artistic talent, my ability to throw my thoughts and feelings and wild and crazy emotions, operates at literally a grade two level, so this isn't going to be neither profound nor a look through the emotional mindscape in my head. That's best served up in other ways.

It's a shame it's taken me nearly losing something precious to finally determine where my weaving the strands of life has gone wrong. I forgot to knit one after pearling two, I guess. In non-knitting terms (more along one of my favorite art forms), I had the tripod set up, zoomed the camera into the right spot, chose the PERFECT backdrop, set the self-timer, and ran in front of the portrait of the one I love as the flash blinded me. The result? A badly-focused image of what I certainly did NOT want to see, and a small, nearly invisible image blocked by my thick head of what I did, namely HER.

...Si Je Puisse. It's in my signature. It's in my blood. It's an old saying, from a Scottish clan that I can call my own from generations ago. For the non frenchies, it's "If I Can" in the subjunctive, which is a tense used for impersonal expressions. I've never understood if it's in that tense to show doubt or necessity, both of which are expressed in the tense, or if it's not a complete use of the subjunctive, which can also include the use of two subjects (Ex: "I want you to do something" in French is subjunctive). I guess my personal take on it, as a Meyers and not a Colquhoun, is that it translates better to "If I can, for you." Perhaps it's time to remember that really bad translation of a phrase...

Why do I wake up every morning, 6:30 on the dot, with my arm stretched across my bed? You'd think I'd learn - it's a great way to wake up with an arm that is not capable of functioning. I always smack myself in the face with it pulling my corpse from the comfort of the covers. That tingling feeling, pins and needles, and that kind of funny shape your hand goes into when it's completely numb. I'd love to sleep with my ring on and see just how much my hand swells when I do that. Maybe I'll do it one time. Of course, none of this floats through that empty head as dawn begins to let its light in. No, what by day is a carrot (or maybe a potato... definitely not as intelligent as a head of lettuce tho) seems right first thing in the morning to be the portrait of her, back beside me. I've never seen something quite like her in the morning - what's normally full of life and passion tamed, silent, mouth open in a tiny pout, with hair splayed across the pillow. I think my hand thought it was playing with that hair, wrapped around that beautiful body, happily falling into blood-deprived bliss. I think, scratch that. I know that's one of the only times for her to feel at peace, and she looks it by every account, and I can't help but smile as the vegetable crop in my head sprouts anew and I begin to function to my normal, upper level of the Plantae kingdom, capacity.

Maybe it's time to finally prove to her that I'm in love. Maybe it's time to photoshop my face out of the picture. Maybe it's time to reset that camera, and this time, as the self-counter ticks down to 0 and the camera does that funny flash that it likes to do outdoors, with the waterfall in the background and the sun rising on a love, rejuvenated after a good night's sleep, maybe this time we'll be side by side, on our way to face the bright and sunny day, and maybe, just maybe, if I can step back far enough to be back out of the focus of the lense, I can make her waking life as peaceful as my left arm remembers her. Maybe the time has come to do what my heart longs for.
"If I Can, For You." Knit One, Pearl Two.

"Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself" --Anon
"Life isn't about finding love, life is about creating love" --Anidiot, Databoy2k

"Go now in peace, to love and serve..."

--Databoy2k